


Lost and Found

by Pretending2BeMe



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Angst, Brief Allusion To Richard's Accident, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related: Middle East Special, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 12:44:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5164283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pretending2BeMe/pseuds/Pretending2BeMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his stay in hospital, James needs Richard more than ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost and Found

Richard stirred as the sound of knocking filtered through his subconscious. Levering himself upright, he shook his head and tried to remember where he was – every hotel room seemed to blend into one after a while - _Right…Syria…Work…_ he thought. Hearing the tapping at the door again, he dragged himself out of bed and stumbled across the floor.

Opening the door a crack, he blinked as the harsh light from the corridor hit his retina. Finally focussing, he saw James, dressed in only a T-shirt and boxers, looking more than a tad upset. “James? What is it? What’s the matter?” he asked.

James shuffled from foot to foot and fiddled with the hem of his shirt, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, I…I…”

Opening the door wide, Richard pulled James into his room, enveloping him into a loose hug, “Come here, what is it?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” James mumbled into Richard’s shoulder before pulling back and asking him for a cigarette.

Richard wasn’t fooled for a second, he and James were far too close to be able to hide anything from each other but he knew that if he pushed, James would just clam up and suffer. Like everything else in his life, he needed the time and space to get there in his own way so he let go and returned to sit on his bed, collecting his fags from his discarded jeans along the way. He was about to flick the bedside light on when James pushed the door closed and plunged them both into almost complete darkness, “Don’t,” he said, his voice low.

James had discovered long ago that the easiest way for him to have any difficult conversation or to indeed share his emotions with anyone – even Richard – was to not have eye contact and sitting in the dark was the best way of all. It took away his awkwardness and created the distance that he needed to open up.

Sitting cross-legged on the bed opposite Richard, he gratefully took the offered cigarette and, lighting up, he inhaled deeply, letting the nicotine flood his system. After a few minutes, he was able to lift his gaze to Richard who was sat in the same position only few inches away, his face shadowed by the dim silver glow of the moonlight shining through the window. Finally ready, he gave Richard a crooked smile and whispered, “Sorry mate.”

“It’s alright,” Richard replied, his voice equally as low. “How’s the head?” he asked with a nod.

Absently, James’ hand rose to finger the large bandage wrapped around his forehead, “Better than it was, I think I’ll live.” Pausing slightly to play for time, he drew on his cigarette before continuing, “But…I dunno, I feel a bit…overwrought by everything; the accident, the hospital, - the whole bloody trip if I’m honest - it’s all a bit much.”

“Oh mate, it’s alright. I think we’re all feeling it. The world thinks that this easy but it’s bloody hard work.”

“No Rich, you don’t understand, that whole bit when I couldn’t remember…it…I couldn’t remember where we were, what we were doing, anything. The worst thing was the feeling that I’d lost something; I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I couldn’t find it. It was like this giant hole in the universe and it very nearly consumed me…I know it didn’t last for long but it scared the fucking life out of me. I wanted you with me so badly.”

Richard leant forward and took hold of James’ free hand, squeezing his fingers gently, “I wanted to be with you too, but I couldn’t, you know that. I didn’t sleep at all last night; not until Andy told me you were ok.”

Unable to cope with Richard’s contact just yet, James pulled his hand away and, drawing on his cigarette again, he dropped his head once more and busied himself again with the hem of his T-shirt. “Afterwards, when everyone was gone, I laid there and thought about it and I realised that the reason – one of the reasons – I wanted you was that you were the missing thing - I’d thought I’d lost _you_ , Rich and it was bloody awful. Then I started thinking about what you went through after…you know. If it made me feel like that, what the hell did it do to you?” With his emotions finally getting the better of him, James hissed out a “Fuck!” and threw his hands to his face; even with the dark of the night around him, he couldn’t bear for Richard to see.

His heart almost broke at James’ words and taking the cigarette from between James’ fingers, Richard propped it in the ashtray with his own before gripping him in a tight hug. Momentarily forgetting, he reached up to cradle James’ head but feeling the bandage under his fingers, he swiftly slid his hand down to lay between his shoulder blades.

He could feel the tension in James' muscles and the hot, heaving breaths against his collar bone but he held on, rubbing small, soothing circles on his back and whispering over and over, “That’s it, that’s it, let it out, that’s it…”

Despite James’ inner need to escape, he needed Richard’s touch more than anything and he allowed himself to be held. Eventually, Richard’s efforts to calm began to filter in and he managed to slow his breathing and relax into the hold. After indeterminate minutes, he felt steady enough to sit back up.

Giving Richard an embarrassed half-smile, he whispered, “Sorry, I’ve got no right to compare my stupid bump on the head to…”

Cradling James’ face in his hands, Richard saw a single moonlit tear roll down James’ cheek. Wiping it gently away with his thumb he said, “You’ve got every right; I’ve told you before, you should never be ashamed of what you feel and yeah, it’s fucking scary, but you’re ok and I’m ok. And remember, no matter what it is, no matter how bad or how ridiculous it think it might be, you can tell me anything, just like I can with you.”

“Jesus, Rich, I love you so much,” James breathed.

Kissing James softly, Richard whispered, “I love you more.”

Smiling, James shook his head, “Christ, we’re a pair of sappy gits aren’t we!” taking his cigarette from the ashtray, he took the last drag and stubbed it out before grabbing Richard playfully on the arm, “Shh, can you hear that? It’s the sound of the housewives of Britain fainting into their tea.”

Coughing as the smoke from his own cigarette caught in his throat, Richard gave James a shove, “Fuck off!” he spluttered. Catching James’ eye, he said, “That’s better, you’re smiling again.”

“Only because of you,” James replied. “Listen, can I stay? I don’t fancy being on my own tonight.”

“What, being in the middle of a warzone getting to you?” Richard teased. “Course you can stay, you pillock.”

Due to it only being a single bed, the only way for them to both fit in any degree of comfort was for both men to lie on their sides facing each other. Pulling the duvet over their shoulders, James huffed, “One of these days I’m going to insist that we get double beds.”

“Oh, you’re going to be the one to ask the bean-counters are you? Good luck with that,” laughed Richard.

“Oh bugger that!” scoffed James. “Besides, it gives me an excuse to snuggle up to you.” As if to illustrate his point, James slipped his arm under Richard’s T-shirt to his lie at his waist. Pulling him in for a kiss, he slid his palm upwards along the ridges of Richard’s spine and out over the smooth expanse of his shoulder blade. He let the heat of Richard’s skin seep into his as he rested there and deepened his kiss; nibbling Richard’s lip and making him moan softly.

Taking that as his cue, James continued on, snaking his hand up into Richard’s hair where, taking a handful, he pulled gently as he kissed harder; sucking in Richard’s tongue and swallowing the gorgeous wet heat of his mouth.

“James, wait.” Richard brought his hand to the centre of James’ chest and applied enough pressure to make him pull back. Panting slightly, he said, “James, stop; we can’t…”

“Course we can.”

“I never say no, you know that but…we’re in the Middle East; it’s not exactly the safest place in the world is it.”

“It’ll be fine. It’s the middle of the night, the door’s locked and I can be quiet if you can,” James assured.   “Anyway, I’ve always fancied having sex in the middle of a battle,” he finished with a laugh.

“That’s not what I meant…”

Stopping Richard with a finger to his lips, James lowered his voice and tried again, “Please Rich; I need you. I need you close to me, I…please Rich.”

Feeling a lump rise in his throat, Richard conceded; he knew exactly what James was feeling, hell, he’d felt it a million times himself; That almost desperate need for physical contact when the world felt off kilter. For love and touch to ground him and make everything alright again. Pulling James close, he whispered in his ear, “It’s alright, I’m going nowhere.”

Silently, he motioned for James to sit up and, running his fingertips down his chest to grip his wrists, he gently lifted his arms above his head. Pausing to raise James’ gaze to his, he slowly ran the flat of his hands down James’ bare arms and along his sides to loosely grip at the hem of his shirt. James sucked in a breath as the warm fabric snaked its way up his chest to be replaced by the cool night air.

Tossing the shirt aside, Richard removed his own without ceremony and, laying one hand over James’ heart; he took James’ hand and splayed it over his own. “Feel that?” he whispered.

James could only nod as the steady rhythm thudded through his fingers and travelled along his arm to mingle with his own, slower heartbeat. Glancing downwards, he followed the silver line of Richard’s arm leading away from him towards his own, joining them back together. As the strong visual of their connection registered within, a calm washed over him and he let out a breath.

Finally letting go, Richard pulled James back down to lie opposite him and leaning in close he kissed James softly on the lips before trailing even lighter, feathery kisses along his jaw and down his neck. In similar contrast, James delicately traced his fingertips in long, meandering lines over Richard’s back, along his sides and into his hair. Both repeated the same slight movements for long minutes, each simply enjoying the other’s touch; the only sound being their soft gasps and low moans of pleasure.

Without pause, Richard wrapped his leg round James’ hip and began to rock gently, feeling James’ hardness against his own. In reply, James snaked his hand down to squeeze Richard’s bum and push him closer; “That’s it, Rich, that’s it, nice and slow,” he whispered as he leant forward to claim his mouth.

Feeling the arousal swell within them, each slid their hand around the other’s waist to meet in a tangle in their centre making them both chuckle, “You go first,” laughed James.

“Greedy bastard,” Richard teased as he shuffled James’ boxers down enough to get at him before doing the same with his own.

As he returned to take hold of James he was stopped with the words, “No, together.”

Stretching his hand to encircle them both, Richard felt James’ hand slide forward to meet him on the opposite side, his long fingers splaying around his wrist. At first their movement was faltering and slightly clumsy but they soon found their rhythm of long, slow, conjoined strokes.

For the longest time they laid together in the dim of the Syrian night giving and receiving the pleasure of the other, uttering half-formed words of love and sharing the same shallow, warm breaths. As the sensations swam between them, James became aware of the delicious tingle rising in him that was his first step towards orgasm. Tensing up, he flexed his wrist and tried to slow himself down.

Richard flicked his eyes up to lock with James’, “Go on,” he whispered.

“No, I’m…I want…I want us to come together, Rich.”

Richard couldn’t help a smile from spreading across his face, “Alright, hold on.” Leaning back slightly, he wrapped his leg tighter around James’ waist to pull him in closer and, angling his wrist, he increased the tempo of his strokes.

Tightening his grip, James matched his movements perfectly, swiping his thumb over the head of Richard’s cock on every upstroke, making the younger man gasp and swear uncontrollably. In no time they were both balanced on that same wonderful edge, each craving release but longing for more.

“Fuck, James. Fuck I’m so close,” panted Richard as he shook and desperately tried to hang on.

James was practically whimpering with need and, repeating his manoeuvre one last time, he felt Richard’s orgasm spill from him in hot, shuddering, breathy moans of desire before instantly following in exactly the same way.

Afterwards, as they lay together, Richard wrapped close up to James with his head on his chest and legs entwined, he said, “See, I wasn’t lost.”

Squeezing him gently, James whispered, “I know, I found you.”

 

The End


End file.
